Prelude To A Cheat Meal: Abs Are Not An Accessory

Alrighty. Today, eyes in the Finkelman-Keough apartment opened from a state of slumber with anticipation. The gastronomical promise of another Epic Cheat Meal looms, and all bellies and tongues are readied. They will have to wait for their reward, because there is a squatting session to be had before the festivities begin. The festivities of today’s Cheat Meal will include a foray into the world of frying. I have never fried anything in my life. I rarely cook beyond the omelettes, grilled chicken/fish, and vegetable salads I prepare daily. I don’t really know how to use an oven. I have a tenuous relationship with anything involving chemistry. But I am determined to make onion rings today, because I have a slavish devotion to onion rings nonpareil. Later on I will post a post documenting the Epic Onion Ring-Making, AKA Mistress of the Rings Claims Her Prize and Eats a Sh*t Ton of Fried Stuff.

In the spirit of eating a sh*t ton of fried stuff, I want to make something clear here. Most of the time I eat…damned well. In the land of bodybuilding, they call the way I eat (or most of the way I eat) “clean.” Lean protein sources, good fats, lots of vegetables, little fruit, even less grain-based carbs. Protein and fat give good returns in my stock portfolio, whereas any food containing any kind of sugar (rice has sugars. Educate yourself, yo) yields a lesser profit.

On top of eating not-fried-food 95% of the time, I also kick my ass lifting weights nearly-daily and for up to two hours at a time. So while I’m freaking out about frying onions and going to Texas Roadhouse, my abdomen looks like this:

The Situation visits my blog again. And yes, you can see my underwear. Deal with it. Jesus.

The above was taken this morning.

So what I’m doing with this crazy cheat meal thing is basically a variant on carb-loading. It’s fun as hell, and it seems to be working; I’m growing stronger, my body and its compositional profile continues to adapt to the training I do, and I’m happy.

As a last note to the first of today’s two-part blogging extravaganza, abs are not accessories. If you’re sitting on your computer browsing fitspiration pics of women’s sweat-drenched abdomens, I urge you to reconsider this pastime. Not only will it drive you into a despairing void filled with self-deprecation and obsession over stupid crap, it will take up time that might be devoted to much more worthwhile endeavors. Like looking at onion rings on I kid you not, this is the best damned thing I’ve found on the internet in a year.


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