Before we get to the junk food that is the content of this particular blog post today (soul-baring confessionals are only something I can dole out periodically, please stay tuned for another semi-emotional-break in two or three weeks’ time), I want to give you an illustration of my current status as a human being who ingests stuff and lifts weights:
This is actually on the white board stuck to our fridge right now. And it’s a week old. Because this was drawn in homage to my last carb-loading meal, not tonight’s. Tonight’s was awesome. Do you want to know what I ate? No, no one wants to know what anyone on the Internet eats, as evidenced by the currently-trendy backlash against Instagram photos of food taken by those who then may or may not have eaten it after sharing it with the group of people on the Internet they stalk and by whom they are stalked. I scoff at your censure and raise you a list of what I ate this evening:
1 triple appetizer shared with Boyfriend Kyle–except I’m pretty sure I ate more of it. And by “pretty sure” I mean “straight up certain”
1 entire rack of ribs
1 cup of black beans
1 serving of fries
some of Kyle’s onion rings because he apparently couldn’t finish his dinner tonight and it was smaller than mine I WIN AGAIN
1 chocolate chip bar dessert thing a la mode which was goddamn good and I’m not really a dessert person but I happily eat anything with gusto on these carb meal nights right now.
So that was fun. Also, I deadlifted 255 x 6 at 110 lb bodyweight yesterday so no judging. Not that I give a damn if the Internet is judging. I’d be stupid if I expected the Internet not to judge. The Internet is expressly FOR the purpose of judging. Duh.
And I’m about to do some of it myself. Victoria’s Secret, What. The F*ck. Is this:
This is one of many images one runs across on the Internet that inspires a “what is this I don’t even.” I found it on the “Health and Fitness” section of Pinterest. Yes, I’m on Pinterest. I caved. I went over to the dark side. Feminism is falling, and it is at the hands of Pinterest. That is not an argument I’m interested in taking up in today’s post or probably any day’s post, but go ahead and ponder it if you have an interest in the site. I WILL say that Pinterest’s Health and Fitness section is one of the most horrifying “fitness”-focused collections of blithering nonsense I’ve come across on the Internet, ever. And I come across a lot of them, even here, on WordPress. Seriously, go ahead and look around the “fitness” category on WordPress and then come back here telling me you have seen much regarding accurate, insightful lifting theory and discussion.
I’ve wanted to write a blog post regarding Pinterest’s H&F section for a few weeks now. In preparation for this post, I’ve clicked my way over to that section multiple times and after 5-10 minutes of perusing am so depressed that I no longer want to write a blog post at all. So I don’t think you’re going to get a full-blown discussion of how awful the crap is that people are posting on Pinterest about “taming tummies” and “10 10-minute thigh-jiggle fixes” and general pining for bodies that look the way they look not only because of damn good strength training dedication but also (ding!) genetics predisposing those bodies to have x muscle groups inclined towards development or (ding!) skeletal proportions that the Pinterest user probably doesn’t have and therefore shouldn’t be hoping to emulate because you can’t fix your goddamn bone lengths. You know what I don’t see on Pinterest H&F ever? Anyone posting about a 10 lb PR on a squat or a clean or whatever. There is never anyone posting about actual, quantifiable strength goals on that site. Ever. Ever! I’m just going to give up now. There is no use trying. Actually, I really don’t go on the H&F section that often–read: almost never–so admittedly I have taken a small cross section of what is actually posted there into account. But I am pretty sure I’m right about this one. I’m just right, okay? Obviously.
A big part of weight lifting, but not all of it, and some types of weight lifting more than others, is about increasing your strength. You can lift weights to have a nicer ass all day. Actually, you probably can’t, because at some point you’re going to need to use the bathroom or call your mother back or something. Actually redux, if you’re lifting weights to improve your ass in a relatively uninterrupted fashion all day, you’re probably doing it wrong. An improved ass CAN be a side-effect of lifting, but a truly improved ass is one that’s probably stronger than where it was pre-improvement. So take whatever “Victoria’s Secret Workout omgomgomg” links you’re finding with a massive grain of salt.