Vlog: The Bulk, the Internal Conflict, The Gainz

I really appreciate anyone who has connected with me upon reading my blog/hearing me freak out about my lifting and what the heck I’m going to do about weight class, feeling highly unattractive, etc. I did a kind of follow-up vlog today and posted it on my Youtube channel and thought I’d post it here, too. I kept it to under 10 minutes and I try not to blither on too much.

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8 thoughts on “Vlog: The Bulk, the Internal Conflict, The Gainz

  1. First, I love this vlog and you are so well-spoken and have such a great mature vocabulary. 😉

    Second.. I can somewhat empathize with the “shelf-life” concept. However, I just turned 31 and I feel so much better now than I ever had in my life. I am a much better version of me at 30/31 than I was at 23! Have you found other females in your sport that have the same internal issues? I do Crossfit, but that is quite a different sport than Powerlifting in that there is no bulk/shred period; it’s just keep doing what you do and be awesome. 😉

    I think these days, anyway, 27 is no longer “old” and so many women are just starting their lives at 30+!!

    1. I think you make some excellent points here about age and societal perception of it. Honestly, I believe I will be a far better woman upon reaching 30 and years beyond it on multiple levels. Athletically, I still am working towards entering my prime in my sport (the majority of the TOP female powerlifters are at least in their thirties and sometimes wellll into their forties). I also believe I will have myself figured out better at an emotional level at that point; I certainly am faring better on that score at 27 than 22 or even 25.

      1. And aesthetically.. I think you are the leanest powerlifter chickie I follow! I follow a few and yes, looks are not at all their game. They are in it to grow and to gain strength and eat for their sport, not eat to be lean.

        But honestly, you look awesome. 🙂

      2. thank you, thank you–honestly, my skeleton is all wrong for two of the three lifts. I’m built to deadlift but I’d rather be something more than a one trick pony. GOTTA bring that squat up. Squatted 180 for a set of 7 today. It’s coming.

  2. Keep up the good work. I enjoyed the vlog to be honest. As far as you mentioning bulking during your prime years…. well everything in life just comes down to what makes you happy. Do what makes you happy and everything else doesn’t matter. Keep up the hard work.

    1. This is my boyfriend’s bottom line when we discuss the issue too. I suppose being conflicted and being happy about aspects of the bulk and unhappy about others is where the conflict lies. Something has to be a priority though, and for me, that’s the sport.

  3. Your candidness is very refreshing. I also think these feelings resonate very deeply with any lady who has ever bulked. The socialization of a woman’s “shelf life” is a very hard thing to fight and to deal with emotionally. Keep up the good work!

    1. Yes! It’s so good to hear from someone that gets this “shelf life” phenomenon in relation to choosing to bulk. I’ve just been feeling it really hard. It’s a very strong sense of “listen, I have done the ugly duckling thing for a long time. Lots of dues paid in full. Can I get a swan upgrade? A bulk is not going to make a swan upgrade happen.” Or maybe it will. I’d like to think I’m going to be very happy with the muscle base I’m improving on by doing this SOMETIME in the future. I really have faith this will be the case.

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